He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
