If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I wear drunk well.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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