You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
