i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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