my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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