K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
