My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My bed smells like the plague
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
