DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
