So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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