Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
