my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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