On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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