I feel like abortions should bother me more
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
