im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
organizing the empties. That sober.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
