Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
