3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize