I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
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