dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
