fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
i need some magic done to my vagina
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
