Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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