"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
