just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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