I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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