We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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