did you get engaged???
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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