i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
