I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
