I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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