I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
