At least make sure they are 18
Why
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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