I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
