After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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