I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
