East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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