just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
