she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
this is an emotional support booty call
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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