watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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