And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
