Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
