tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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