saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
