oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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