We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
