Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
