Plan B is the new Plan A
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
