After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
