Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
