We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
