You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
