She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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