just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
