well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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