it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
