Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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