I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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