Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
