I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
