Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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