i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
