HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
