What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
