Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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