Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
