that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
