i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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