Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
