Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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