It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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