I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
