but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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