She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
