if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
