So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
